I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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