You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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