STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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