dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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