i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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