How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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