did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
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i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Couch. On fire.
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