Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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