Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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