She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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