I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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