Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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