You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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