I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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