You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize