you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
