i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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