i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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