am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
please don't ironically join a cult
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