When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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