I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
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I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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