Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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