she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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