Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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