im drinking this country out of the recession.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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