Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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