You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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