New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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