if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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