Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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