You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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