I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize