i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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