Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize