I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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