Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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