That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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