U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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