I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize