my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize