the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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