he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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