the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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