Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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