He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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