Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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