The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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