So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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