I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
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