I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize